Re-entry, a quiz – The Provincetown Independent
Happy to see you again!
Your whole face is a sight to behold, and it’s absolutely stunning, but being with you – or anyone else, outside of your home – remains as awkward as when your Grade 10 son decided he desperately wanted to be. pierced the septum, then began to scream so dramatically from the piercing chair that security was called, even though sales associate Devin (who, by the way, has a lot to share on crypto- currency, freedom of speech and Bennifer, take two), hadn’t actually broken anything yet.
With that in mind, please take the short quiz below from the comfort and safety of your kitchen table. Are you ready to return to society in this roaring and not totally virulent summer?
1. Shop for groceries
Paying for your groceries at Stop & Shop in Orléans involves tough choices about how you interact with frontline workers. Your choice is to:
(A) Thank your Parisian grocery bagger – a kiss on each of her rosy cheeks.
(B) The elbow hits the plastic partition between you and your cashier. Then wink.
(C) Proceed to self-payment. Your friendly cashier hasn’t been seated for 19 days.
2. The library
You desperately miss visiting the Wellfleet Library during your two week vacation (which you were delighted to book in November and paid for the wazoo). Murphy’s Law states that the library will reopen within hours of your return home to your 300 square foot basement apartment. You:
(A) Write your own book while on vacation. Wrap the lid in a waxed paper dust jacket.
(B) Display all the books from the shelves of your rental cottage in the backyard – what an impressive and nuanced collection! Invite passers-by to peruse the books based on a loosely constructed honor system.
(C) On a rainy Sunday morning, park your rental car in the library parking lot. Invite four friends to join you and park their own rental cars next to yours. Everyone uses a separate mobile device maximizing free wi-fi for the rest of the day.
3. A walk in the gallery
You and your Tinder-swipe-right stroll down Commercial Street in the East End of Provincetown. You proceed to:
(A) Bring your own set of red dot stickers in case you decide to make your first art purchase. If you’re not making a purchase, you can always place the stickers on artwork that resonates with you and your date.
(B) Bring your own bottle of champagne and a wheel of brie.
(C) For July only, delete Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, Thursday, Her, Happn, Raya…) and make eye contact behind your oversized aviators. We never know!